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A Guide to Radical Acceptance (For People with BPD)
Hi, I’m Audrey and I have borderline personality disorder. I use BPD Beautiful, a BPD recovery blog, to help spread awareness and to keep myself accountable in my own recovery. In this post, we’re going to talk about Radical Acceptance—a popular DBT skill that is meant to help you regulate your emotions and manage BPD symptoms & rage.
I don’t know about you but radical acceptance is something I really need to make a part of my everyday life. While I’ve made some progress over the last couple of years, I’ve still got a long way to go when it comes to mindfully accepting things I can’t change. It’s an uphill battle.
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Books About BPD: “Book of Thoughts” by Adrianna Rangel (Q+A)
Trigger Warning: BPD stigma, stigma by mental health clinicians
Living with BPD Stigma
Here’s the real truth about living with borderline personality disorder: you are going to be stigmatized. By people online. By film or TV producers. By mental health clinicians. By strangers. Maybe even by your own family and friends. There’s no way around it.
However, as someone who lives with BPD, one group in particular stands out to me: mental health clinicians. Why is it that almost every single person I know with BPD (& I know lots) has a story like our featured guest, Adrianna Rangel?
Why is it that mental health professionals—people we should be able to get treatment from, are refusing to call us back, abruptly ending their services with us or are otherwise brushing us off when we only just admit out loud, ‘I think I have borderline personality disorder’ or are up front about our BPD diagnosis?
As hard of a condition as borderline personality disorder is to both live & deal with, it’s treatable. Contrary to old beliefs in the medical world, recent studies of BPD have confirmed that not only is treatment is possible but BPD also has a high recovery success rate.
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Saying No to Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder
Saying no to someone with borderline personality disorder can be tricky. Enforcing boundaries can result in unpredictable reactions or “BPD episodes.” If you love someone with borderline personality disorder or have a spouse with BPD, you may regularly walk on eggshells and not know when you’ll see a glimpse of BPD’s rage or feel the effects of your loved one’s fear of abandonment. You might feel like you can’t do anything right or that you’re always setting them off. You might be emotionally exhausted and at your wits end, ready to call it quits.
Understanding BPD & “BPD Episodes”
When you don’t have the condition yourself, it’s hard to understand why your loved one with BPD has these explosive reactions when you go out without them, say no or otherwise assert your own boundaries. This “no” could be to a plan, an idea or a request. Whatever it is, you need help navigating how to say no to someone with borderline personality disorder.
You may believe your loved one is being dramatic, over-zealous or too sensitive. You may worry they’re being manipulative or controlling. You may wonder if they’re just abusive. In reality, it’s more likely their fear of abandonment and rejection has been triggered by your “no.”
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How I Overcome Regressions in BPD Recovery
Back in the fall—my therapist told me that after two years of working with her on my borderline personality disorder (BPD) symptoms and childhood trauma, I’d made enough progress in therapy to begin decreasing services. We went from weekly sessions to bi-weekly sessions. Then we did monthly check-ins. Now, seven months later, I’m on my own.
I was nervous at first to wean off therapy. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to hold myself accountable. I was worried my BPD would get worse. I was worried my marriage with Brian would fall apart and my son Bobby would be scarred.
For the most part, since therapy’s ended—I’ve been doing okay. Sometimes I feel strong, confident and ready to face whatever’s thrown at me. Sometimes there’s a small flicker of hope inside me that BPD will eventually be a thing of the past.
But then it comes back with a vengeance. And I quickly crumble into a raging, crying or sulking shell of a woman.
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BPD Relationships: 12 Key Differences Between Toxic Relationships + Healthy Relationships
Being in a Relationship with Someone who has BPD
BPD relationships (borderline personality disorder) tend to be intense. Oftentimes a relationship with someone who has BPD is compared to being on a rollercoaster. A ride full of extreme highs and lows, twists, turns and loops. If you’re in a relationship with someone who has borderline personality disorder it may be the most passionate but also the most complex relationship you’ve ever been in.
If you’re in a relationship with someone who has borderline personality disorder, you may already know that BPD causes an overwhelming fear of abandonment. After this ingrained fear has been triggered, people with BPD may make frantic efforts to avoid facing the trigger or they may act out in a rage.
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Living with BPD and an Eating Disorder
Trigger Warning: Purging, food restriction, treatment program, mothers with eating disorders. Read at your own discretion.
BPD and Eating Disorders
I’m Audrey—a 29 year old mom of a primary school aged boy with borderline personality disorder and a long history of mental illness. My eating disorder, in particular, began around the time I was 13 years old. It started as EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified) and later, developed into bulimia. This is my eating disorder recovery story.
The first time I tried to purge, I stopped as soon as I started gagging. I berated myself for days about it. I wasn’t strong enough. I was pathetic. Sometimes I wish I could visit my younger self, alone in my room thinking those distorted thoughts and feeling absolutely hopeless. If only I knew then what I know now.
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Top 5: Songs About Depression You’ve Never Heard in 2024 (Indie, Rock & Pop )
If you suffer with depression or anxiety, you probably like listening to music that relates to mental illness. My friend and I scoured the internet to find the best unknown songs about depression. All of these songs are from local musicians across the globe. Their songs are well written and well produced but more importantly, they’re relatable.
If you like a song, please support the artist. Leave them a comment. Add them to your playlists. Stream their music.