FAQs

BPD stands for borderline personality disorder. EUPD stands for emotionally unstable personality disorder. They are the same mental health condition and the acronyms can be used interchangeably. For simplicity purposes, we tend to use borderline personality disorder, or BPD, on this site. BPD is a cluster B personality disorder that is characterized by a fear of abandonment, frequent mood swings, intense emotions, all or nothing thinking, shifting identity and rage – among other things.

BPD is environmentally induced, which means a trigger typically takes place when there’s real or perceived abandonment. When triggered, a person with BPD can have a “BPD episode.” People with BPD do not choose to behave this way and without proper treatment, their emotions and distorted thoughts arevery hard to control & challenge – especially in the midst of an episode.

The symptoms and signs of borderline personality disorder are:

Intense fear of abandonment and rejection
Frantic attempts to avoid real or perceived abandonment / rejection
Emotional instability, mood swings, angry outbursts or rage
“Black and white” or all-or-nothing thinking (see “BPD Splitting“)
Feelings of worthlessness
Unstable sense of self
Impulsivity
Self harm or suicidal thoughts & behaviors
Impaired social & romantic relationships with intense “highs and lows,” frequent conflict and / or break ups
Dissociation or feeling foggy, “out of touch” during times of extreme stress

A person needs at least 5 symptoms to meet criteria for a diagnosis.

If you think you have borderline personality disorder, your best bet is to seek a psychiatric evaluation. Don’t rely on a self diagnosis. We have a post on BPD Beautiful’s blog that answers this question in more depth here.

BPD Beautiful is a self-help recovery hub and publisher for people impacted by borderline personality disorder (BPD) including those living with BPD as well as loved ones. It features an official blog with posts by people with BPD, mental health professionals & graduates, and advocates. On our videos page, we have guided mindfulness exercise videos for specific BPD triggers, an informative recovery vlog and more. We have worksheets for BPD symptoms and published creative works like the BPD fiction book, Sadie’s Favorite: A Novel + Original Soundtrack by Sarah Rose, easy-to-digest & easy to practice recovery tips on our social media pages, and much more coming.

BPD Beautiful started as a personal blog in 2019 documenting the recovery of its founder, Sarah Rose, and has since grown to be a valuable resource for 19K+ subscribers and thousands of monthly readers. Our small team is made up of people within the BPD community – warriors, loved ones, advocates. Read more about us on our About page.

The below was written in 2019 and included on BPD Beautiful’s first ever About page. The core mission outlined has not changed since, so we figured we’d include it here for old times sake:

“I debated for months whether I should start a blog to support my recovery from BPD. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to put my story out there. I worried about the repercussions and of the possibility of a professional contact finding it. I worried about my family’s privacy. In the end, I created BPD Beautiful [initially using the pseudonym Audrey Harper] for a handful of reasons. They are…

-to support other people struggling with BPD and to share what I’ve been learning & what’s been working throughout my treatment.
-to inspire those with BPD to take time for themselves and be mindful.
-to give loved ones a better idea (but not the end all, be all) of how to cope with borderline personality disorder and to help them in understanding BPD.
-to help raise borderline awareness and do my part in ending the stigma.
-and the last, more personal reason was because blogging has always been something I’ve enjoyed doing. My last blog was eating disorder recovery related. This was back when my eating disorder was my most prevalent mental illness. Blogging—and the network of bloggers I had met along the way, played a big role in my recovery and helped hold me accountable.

I don’t have all the answers. I will never claim to. I’m not a mental health expert (see our disclaimer). But I’ve been learning as I go with the help of my therapist, DBT skills, the support of my family & friends, the motivation I get from raising my son and of course, my Lord & Savior Jesus.”

-Sarah Rose, creator of BPD Beautiful

This is subjective to the individual with BPD. Sarah writes: “BPD episodes usually started with a pit of despair in my stomach. My thoughts would immediately distort—I’d think in all or nothing terms, catastrophize, jump to conclusions or project my thoughts & feelings onto others. These were done subconsciously. My heart rate would increase. My chest would start hurting. I’d feel like a caged animal as my fight or flight response kicked in. Sometimes I would dissociate, or feel numb and out of body.” You can learn more about BPD episodes in our extensive guide & FAQ post.

A gentle, realistic way to “snap out of it” is to ground yourself. Here are some ways to do that:

Name what’s happening. Practice mindful awareness—note, “I’m in a BPD episode; I’m feeling overwhelmed and my thoughts are racing.” Naming things can dilute the intensity.
Use grounding techniques. Try the 5‑4‑3‑2‑1 method: identify 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste. It helps anchor you back into your body.
Try opposite action. If you’re spiraling into catastrophizing or black-and-white thinking, gently challenge yourself to act opposite to the emotional urge—for instance, if you’re withdrawing, try calling a trusted person or getting outside for fresh air.
Use distraction wisely. Redirect your focus into something concrete—draw, color, journal a few sentences (even tiny ones), do a puzzle, or walk. Not to bury feelings, but to give your brain a short break so you can return with more clarity.
Breathe. Even a few slow, intentional breaths—inhale for 4 counts, exhale for 6—can shift your nervous system. Pair with a grounding cue like something you can feel (soft blanket, cool drink).
Validate yourself. You’re allowed to feel what you feel, even if your thoughts are distorted. Say internally (or quietly out loud): “This is hard. I’m doing my best. I will get through this.”

For more BPD recovery resources, visit the official BPD Beautiful blog. If you want easy-to-digest & easy-to-practice tips for managing BPD symptoms, follow us on social media.

You can’t force yourself to “just stop” but calming down a BPD episode can be possible with purposeful strategy and self-validation. Here are a few strategies to try – have patience and keep practicing, it takes time for these types of strategies to become habitual:

Slow your body. If racing heart or tight chest are part of your episode, try progressive muscle relaxation—clench your fists for a few seconds, then release; do that with other muscle groups slowly.
Use a soothing activity. Engage in something sensory and comforting: listen to gentle music, cuddle with a pet or soft object, take a warm shower, wrap in a cozy blanket, savor a warm drink—all borderline-friendly and nurturing.
Ground with the environment. Focus on something neutral yet tangible—like feeling your feet on the floor, noticing the texture of the surface you’re on, describing a nearby object in detail. It’s about shifting out of your head.
Affirm your emotional reality. It’s okay to feel the way you do. Instead of trying to “stop” the emotion, say, “This emotion is intense. It doesn’t define me. I can sit with it until it shifts.”
Practice mindfulness. Watch one of our guided mindfulness exercise videos.
Reach out if needed. Text or call someone supportive with one short message like: “Feeling overwhelmed. Could you just listen right now?” If in crisis, access your safety plan—a trusted person, crisis line, or therapist.
Afterwards, reflect—don’t ruminate. Once things calm, jot down what helped and what didn’t. Keep this in a small DBT handout or notes section, so next time you can lean into the most calming practices faster.

For more BPD recovery resources, visit the official BPD Beautiful blog. If you want easy-to-digest & easy-to-practice tips for managing BPD symptoms, follow us on social media.

You should not expect overnight improvement. Give yourself patience. Recovery is a lifestyle – not a destination.

Do not blindly accept your feelings & thoughts as facts.

Do not ignore signs of “all or nothing” thinking. This line of thinking hints to BPD splitting. Instead, challenge those types of thoughts (“is there a middle area I could be missing?” etc).

During BPD episodes, do not make big life changing decisions – not until after you’ve had time to process things.

Reduce your social media usage during episodes. It feeds into triggers.

Overall, don’t stay stagnant – aim to do something active or productive at least once a day, even if it’s a small step. Work on goals no matter how slow it seems or how long it takes – take it day by day. Make therapy a priority and utilizing whatever supplemental self-help resource you can get (supplementing therapy with personal research, worksheets, books & safe community helps you make the most of it – that’s why BPD Beautiful exists. We urge you to poke around).

For more BPD recovery resources, visit the official BPD Beautiful blog. If you want easy-to-digest & easy-to-practice tips for managing BPD symptoms, follow us on social media.

A favorite person (FP) relationship can be extremely unhealthy due to its codependent nature. This dynamic is tough for both the person with BPD and the favorite person. If a favorite person is abusive, it’s even harder to detach and maintain recovery.

For the person with BPD, effectively dealing with a favorite person entails respecting boundaries. Both theirs and your own. It involves prioritizing individuality and self-discovery (who are you outside of the relationship?). That’s much easier said than done, but if you start small and keep it in mind, it gets a little easier overtime. To start small, ensure you have your own hobbies and relationships with others outside of your FP. Make it a goal to spend just 30 minutes a day on your own goals or hobbies. Aim to go out with other people a handful of times a month. We highly recommend you look into DBT or another form a therapy. If you’d like more info or tips, see our Complete Guide to Favorite Person Relationships.

Recommended Reading: Sadie’s Favorite by Sarah Rose is a novel that touches on BPD recovery and abusive “favorite person” (FP) relationships.

Detaching from an FP, or a BPD favorite person, is incredibly hard and takes a lot of time. However, it’s worth working on. Sarah detailed how she personally worked on detaching from my her favorite person here.

Recommended Reading: Sadie’s Favorite by Sarah Rose is a novel that touches on BPD recovery and abusive “favorite person” (FP) relationships.

A BPD favorite person is someone a person with BPD admires and feels fulfilled by the most. They frequently idealize and obsess over them.  A person with BPD usually splits on their favorite person (“BPD FP”) more often than others – going from idealizing to devaluing them when their fear of abandonment is triggered.  A favorite person doesn’t have to be a romantic partner – they can be a friend, family member, teacher or even a celebrity. People with BPD can’t choose their favorite person or immediately choose to stop having one.

BPD favorite person relationships are often unhealthy due to their codependent nature. These types of relationships may not be constructive to growth & healing. If you’re a favorite person (“BPD FP”), encourage your loved one’s independence, maintain boundaries and be a supportive advocate for their recovery & BPD. Read our extensive Guide on Favorite Person Relationships for more information.

Recommended Reading: Sadie’s Favorite by Sarah Rose is a novel that touches on BPD recovery and “favorite person” (FP) relationships.

Yes, it’s possible! But it’s not easy (no relationship is, but BPD can definitely complicate things). The caveat is—you can’t fix someone else’s borderline personality disorder and they can’t magically change overnight.

It also largely depends on whether each partner even wants to put the work in to change certain parts of themselves in order to get to a point where they can have a healthy relationship (remember actions speak louder than words). It’s no easy feat for either partner.

Recovery and the success of recovery is up to the person with borderline personality disorder. It’s a long road and it takes self reflection, willingness to face deep rooted fears, swallowing pride, lots of skills building, open communication, mindfulness, taking accountability and most importantly, therapy.

As for the other side of the coin—a romantic relationship with a girlfriend or boyfriend (or spouse) with BPD can be a rollercoaster. It takes an immense amount of dedication to fight the BPD battle with a diagnosed loved one (it should be couple vs. BPD, not partner with BPD vs. partner without BPD). It takes patience, unconditional love, empathy, stress management and learning new ways to communicate. I’d suggest therapy for the partner without BPD as well since getting educated on BPD and learning new skills (to cope with a loved one’s BPD) are both essential to support their recovery.

It’s up to each partner to take care of their own wellbeing while providing love & support to the other. Like with any relationship, it’s a two way street. Refusing treatment or refusing to get educated on BPD (or even worse, pretending it doesn’t exist or playing into the stigma) can be (and should be) a deal breaker. And of course, abusive behavior (from either partner) whether it be emotional abuse, verbal abuse or physical abuse is never okay. 

Reassure and validate them when you can. Have patience. Learn about borderline personality disorder and the many BPD triggers & symptoms.
To help a loved one in the middle of a BPD episode, you should ask pointed questions like: “what are you feeling?” “what started this?” “how long have you felt this way?” Then validate their experience by repeating back what you think you’ve heard. Be open to their clarification.

During BPD episodes, it’s best not to argue logic or reason. Don’t dismiss their feelings by trying to talk them out of them. Just listen and ask what you can do to show support. Once the episode dies down, they may be more receptive to logic if they’re self aware or stable enough. If not, don’t try and force change. While BPD does have a high recovery rate, treatment is ultimately up to the person with BPD.

Offer up a distraction or a hug. If your loved one with BPD pushes you away, tell them you’ll be leaving them alone out of respect for their feelings but that if they change their mind, you’ll be willing to talk. Then give them space.

For more loved one resources, visit the official BPD Beautiful blog.

When managing a loved one with BPD’s crisis – you should NOT take offense to wild or false accusations, be argumentative, try to make intense feelings go away, deny or dismiss your loved one’s feelings (even when they’re distorted based), try to talk them out of their feelings with logic, or reinforce harmful or alarming behavior.

For more loved one resources, visit the official BPD Beautiful blog. If you want easy-to-digest & easy-to-practice tips for managing BPD symptoms, follow us on social media.

We hate to consider someone with BPD “hopeless,” especially since it’s a treatable condition. However, there are cases where it’s best to let your loved one with BPD go. When abuse is involved, it’s almost always better for you to leave the relationship and go No Contact – if possible, or at the very least – distance yourself and emotionally detach. That doesn’t mean your loved one can’t get better, but the decision to enter treatment and do the work is always up to them. You cannot coax them into treatment. If there’s abuse involved, forcing them into treatment by way of ultimatum can actually backfire on you and become physically or emotionally dangerous.

If you’ve diagnosed your loved one with BPD using internet research (no judgement) , keep in mind – they may actually struggle with a different personality disorder. NPD and ASPD often look similar to BPD, especially to the general public, but as of 2024, those two personality disorders are much harder to treat than BPD. There’s also the possibility that your loved one doesn’t have a personality disorder at all, and is just an abuser. Above all, keep your safety your top priority. Don’t let a possible mental illness be an excuse to stay with an abusive partner. You deserve better. Mental illness is not an excuse to abuse people.

If your loved one refuses to accept that their behavior / thought patterns are an issue – or if they don’t take accountability for wrongdoing, that’s a red flag. If they refuse to start treatment and are quick to blame you for their abuse, that’s another sign the relationship will likely not progress in a way you want or need. If they reluctantly start treatment but seem to resent you for it, or seem to only be doing it to appease you, that’s another red flag. Abusers will weaponize therapy and use it to further abuse their victims. Be mindful of this.

Someone with BPD who’s ready to make changes will dedicate A LOT of time and effort into their recovery. They’ll make calls, schedule appointments, take time doing therapy handouts or recovery journals, do their research and learn everything they can about borderline personality disorder. They’ll join online communities and make therapy a huge priority – rarely missing a session. BPD treatment is incredibly hard (but not impossible). And it takes time. Lots of time. If your loved one isn’t doing any of the above, it’s worth considering where you stand in the relationship and if it’s something you can realistically keep doing. As sad as it is, there’s nothing wrong with throwing in the towel if it means taking care of your own mental health. Sometimes that’s the very push a person with BPD needs in order to finally work on bettering themselves (just don’t leave or threaten to leave with the hope of them doing that, as it will prevent you from really healing and is unlikely to work).

For more loved one resources, visit the official BPD Beautiful blog.