Despite common myths and stigma, studies show that remission is not only possible, but likely, for people living with BPD. Recovery rates may be higher for people who receive intensive treatment, like dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). DBT is best learned with the help of a mental health professional, but with the right amount of self motivation–DBT skills can also be self taught (our instagram and facebook pages cover a lot of the skills in an easy to digest way). Don’t give up, Andrew and readers. Keep searching for answers, resources and hope. You are not a lost cause.

Men Living with BPD: One Man’s Story

I wasn’t surprised when I was told of my BPD (EUPD) diagnosis. So many initialisms. I know that I’m depressed, but it is more than depression. I know that I’m anxious, but it is more than anxiety. Those twin pervasive spectres in mental health that seem to ruin lives but can still be treated. Unlike having a PD. I knew that my life was ruined but not yet over. I had walked away from my marriage of 12 years and found myself stepping towards oblivion. Not at the bottom of a bottle, or worse, but deep within myself. An existential crisis of identity that began sometime between being born and wanting to die. I couldn’t stand the stench of failure and defeat which covered me, but which only I could smell.

My ex still cares about me, my children adore me, my parents and my older brother love me. I’ve been fortunate, and not so fortunate, in making a few fair-weather friends, but in general I baulk at and retreat all too easily from sharing myself with others. I can’t stand myself and I find it hard to grasp what it is that others see in me. I think I’m handsome, well handsome enough, and that I’m a good soul at root. But I also think that I am disgusting and that I am bad. I’m introspective but I find nothing of worth in me. I’m empathetic, compassionate even, but I can’t stand others, especially when they remind me of myself. So, my sense of self-esteem has always been low, but my negative experiences in life have caused it to plummet below the (proverbial) borderline.

I do now wonder what it actually feels like to hold oneself with any kind of self-regard that doesn’t feel so forced and fake and for the benefit of others. Like wearing a mask that’s been stuck on your face for so long that it will tear your actual self off if you were to discard it. My self, whatever that is, has tortured me for a long time. 

Neither was it surprising that it was a psychiatrist during my voluntary admission to hospital who had the honour of telling me what’s wrong with me. Did I believe it? Well, I wanted closure, but a diagnosis without hope of therapy isn’t the kind of closure I expected. It’s been hard to accept this diagnosis, which explains some things, but leaves me seething with more questions. Maybe one day I’ll feel like they are being answered. Hospital life got progressively worse, and things remain hard in the community, with or without support. I keep going for my children, but I’m conscious that I’m lacking in spirit and I want to find some kind of resolve to be the man – father, brother, son – that I was born to be. So, I keep going. 

I don’t think that anyone will ever understand living with BPD. The rule of thumb seems to be that if you’ve met one person with any one condition, then you’ve met one person with that condition. The experience of the afflicted is unique to the afflicted. My own experience is one of constant doubt, self-loathing, uncertainty, fear, and yearning for release. A release that won’t cum (sic). Always striving to arrest the impulsiveness that has all but ruined me, I remain as lonely as I always have. Vainly seeking some kind of reassurance with others living with BPD who are similarly afflicted, until I stumble across BPD Beautiful. Hope remains because it must.

Find authentic and practical content at BPD Beautiful, where warriors, survivors, and advocates unite to support your journey with BPD.

Discover empowering resources and authentic recovery stories at BPD Beautiful, offering practical tools and a compassionate community.

BPD Resources

BPD in Fiction: Sadie’s Favorite, an upcoming Novel + Original Soundtrack, touches on BPD, favorite person (FP) relationships, healing after abuse, parenting and more. Written by Sarah Rose, creator of BPD Beautiful.

Get 20% off your first month of BetterHelp. Get matched with a licensed therapist within 48 hours. Subscriptions as low as $65/week, billed every 4 weeks. Cancel anytime.

Manage your BPD symptoms with a printable workbook.

See our recommended list of books about BPD.

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