Love Life

An Example of a Borderline and Narcissist Relationship (Video)

In this video, I share a story of a borderline and narcissist relationship (undiagnosed) in hopes to shed some light on what it could potentially look like. A BPD and narcissist couple is usually wrought with instability, volatility and abusiveness. Even so, a borderline and narcissist relationship can look different for everyone. This is just one measly experience based on my own life, and should not be taken as something set in stone. Your experience may look vastly different.

Differences of Symptoms in a Borderline and Narcissist Relationship

Borderline personality disorder symptoms…

  • Frantic efforts to avoid abandonment.
  • A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships.
  • Unstable self-image or sense of self.
  • Impulsivity.
  • Recurrent suicidal ideation or self-harm behaviors.
  • Intense emotional instability.
  • Chronic feelings of emptiness.
  • Rage.
  • Transient, stress-related paranoia or dissociation.

Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms…

  • Belief that one is unique or special.
  • Constant need for attention, affirmation, and praise.
  • Exaggerated sense of one’s own abilities.
  • Exploiting other people for personal gain.
  • Feeling envious of others, or believing that others are envious of them.
  • Lack of empathy.
  • Persistent fantasies about success and power.
  • Preoccupation with power or success.
  • Sense of entitlement.

A person with BPD seeks acceptance & nurturing. A person with BPD seeks validation of their self-esteem. A person with BPD fears they will be abandoned, that they are worthless and unlovable. A person with NPD fears they will be publicly exposed as an imperfect fraud. A person with BPD is triggered when they feel they’re about to be abandoned. A person with NPD is triggered by things that threaten their self-esteem.

A person with BPD has difficulty being alone and tolerating negative emotions. People with NPD struggle to see other people as equals. A person with BPD has too much emotional empathy but lacks cognitive empathy. A person with NPD has cognitive empathy but severely lacks emotional empathy. A person with BPD gets angry when they feel abandoned. A person with NPD gets angry when they feel disrespected. A person with BPD devalues you to prevent abandonment. A person with NPD devalues you to support their own self-esteem.

Read the text version of this post and another example of a borderline and narcissist relationship here.


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Measure how healthy or unhealthy your BPD relationship or marriage is with the Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationship Checklist. Click here to download the printable.

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Audrey Harper is the founder of BPD Beautiful. After years of struggling with undetected BPD—she decided to create an online community that's devoted to helping others with BPD. As a passionate advocate for mental health, Audrey wants to inspire people impacted by BPD to find hope and reach their full potential. She's officially been in remission since 2021.

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